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In Ways I Can't Explain

by Mariner

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1.
Another Year 03:44
I hope you're comfortable with how you left things you've had the best of me since we were seventeen And now I'm drowning in a sea of memories cause just forgetting never made much sense to me Am I so wrong to think that there's more to this than just going our separate ways Hiding at the very sight of you thinking my friends should too I'm sick of thinking of you every single day I don't know how I got here I know I should be over this by now But I'm still so exhausted from the time we wasted building up this bridge just to burn it to the ground I just have a problem with letting go of the things I miss But its out of my hands, my heads in the sand I'm left to wonder if I'll ever get over this And I don't know if I'll make it through another year of pretending that you don't exist its hard enough as it is sleeping in this bed without you here And I don't know where you lay your head at night the fault is yours but I know its my bad I lost the only best friend I've ever had So I'll keep telling myself that I don't believe in love and that everything happens for a reason Anything to keep my mind off of the part of me that's missing Every time I think I'm getting somewhere on letting go I see your face, all progress erased This curse Ive embraced is all I'll ever have to show I cant seem to shake this problem with letting go of the things I miss But its out of my hands, my heads in the sand I'm left to wonder if I'll ever get over this
2.
Headlocked 02:50
I swallow three white pills a day to convince myself that I am not insane coping methods put me in my place but it's got my brain thinking in ways I cant explain The reason why I'm always seeing red or why these twisted thoughts keep running through my head I'm not the hero of your book misread There's no saving someone if they're already dead I'm sick of living life in the fast lane with an empty gas tank I never wanted any of this in the first place I try to keep it straight but its got my brain thinking in ways I cant explain The world sees one side of me I keep the rest locked up and threw away the key I've grown sick of hating everything but this is all that's left of the boy I used to be There's reasons and then there's excuses So tell me what did I do to deserve this There's reasons and then there's excuses So what the fuck did I do Don't put it on like you know what Ive been through You call it life or death, I call it point of view Your feet would break if they were in my shoes So if you thought you knew me, you never had a clue
3.
I stopped fighting fair the day you started keeping score The gloves were off but now Ive given up I spent the past two years trying my best to hate you But trying my best was never good enough To keep you entertained or keep me sane My destination's forward, but nothings changing And now I'm playing hide and seek with the anxiety you gave me Its all in my head the anxiety you gave me Step off, and keep away from me I'll pack my things and move back to the city If its fight or flight I guess I let you win Don't say you fell out of love, you never fell in They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger Ive been holding my breath waiting for it to kick in They say that time heals all but scars serve as a reminder now what doesn't kill me just makes me wish it did The bench was wet that night over at Sunny Cove I tried to keep my cool but like the waves I broke You said you were sorry but I knew what you meant That night I learned to forgive but I wont let myself forget You said you were sorry but I knew what you meant That night I learned to forgive but this I promise, I wont forget
4.
Sinking In 03:16
Everyone I know says they miss the old me I can't say I disagree Like the back of my hand I know this story all too well Ive heard it all before I know I'm not okay in case you couldn't tell I'm still in between who I am and who I want to be but my will to live is weaker than the walls surrounding me When peace of mind just seems so out of reach There's only so much I can do before the weight of it all comes crashing down on me I think I'm in too deep This solitude just can't be breached Every day this noose around my neck gets tighter until I cant breathe So if you're holding onto me, let go cause I'm more messed up than you'll ever know Its still sinking in That the wold gave up on me a long time ago Everyone I know says they miss the old me I can't say I disagree But I haven't seen that kid since the day I realized I can't feel anything And I know I'm not the same I never used to be so filled with hate but the seasons change as people do I'm not placing blame, I liked the old me better too But now I'm running out of time To get back to the life I left behind I just need to know that I'll be fine I just need to know that I'll be fine So if you're holding onto me, let go cause I'm more fucked up than you'll ever know Its still sinking in
5.
So You Know 03:23
I'm so sick of hearing people say That it gets easier with time when I can't wake up in the morning I'm haunted by you every night I've been terrified to listen And I'm too afraid to speak because my biggest fear is knowing exactly what you did to me Even when there was nothing left for me you found a way to make me stay and I put all I had into this just to watch you throw it all away So hold back the excuses ya, and your apologies are useless If you had a dime for every lie you told me maybe then you wouldn't be so worthless Well you got what you wanted and I got what I asked for Time wasted on a whore There's nothing left to say nothing will ever change and we'll be better off this way I'm getting sick of people telling me to get over it and that I should move on and just forget I'm not one to run from my fears but I cant waste another three years so consider this my goodbye but I'm not signing it sincere Just so you know I never expected that you could sink this low And no I won't apologize I'm not the one who was so quick to spread their thighs Just so you know I never expected that you could sink this low So don't you dare apologize Your mouth's only good for two things, one is telling lies

credits

released August 4, 2015

Written by Mariner
Recorded and produced by Scott Goodrich at NuTone Studios

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Mariner San Jose, California

Bay Area Pop Punk

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